I think i need to talk. I need to talk to myself. Just me and my thoughts. Today, at this very moment, i want to spend some time with me. There are issues i need to resolve, some decisions i have to make, some goals that have to be set, some reality check and some flashback i need to do. I think i am going to exhaust myself with all this at this very moment because i think it is important. This ‘only me’ time is important.
It’s like i have time for the whole world but i am running away from my own thoughts and problems. May be penning it down or i would rather say typing it down would help me initiate a conversation within myself. Career goals, future life, family expectations, the fear of tomorrow, the uncertainty of present and the memories of the past are haunting me all the time. It’s easy to take decisions but it is very difficult to stand by those decisions for a long long time especially when your conscious is questioning you each & every second. You can run away from people, you can run away from your family & friends but you can not run away from yourself.
I think, i think a lot! This might be a major reason for the constant clashes of ideas in my mind. There are ideologies that i want to follow but i can’t. Some decision i want to take but i can’t. Some place i want to visit but i can’t. Some people i want to meet & talk but i can’t. I honestly feel that the limitations, the lack of authority, the suppression of my inner voice and the high expectations from people to behave in a certain way sometimes takes away the freedom to express myself. It’s like i know my problem, i know my solution, i know how to tackle things but still i am not doing it. I think its same with everyone but they choose to ignore the silent & occasional screams of their hearts.
While i am talking to myself in this whole write- up, i am realizing that i am feeling good, a little less anxious. I think some times it is important to take out things that are clinging to your heart from a very long time. I think my heart was burdened by the weight of all these pressures and that’s when we all should have the ‘only me’ time. A time to introspect, to look at ourselves and to have a dialogue with yourself. While you might not found any answers or solutions but you would definitely feel that burden off your head; a little calmness in your mind.
I think we all should fix an appointment with ourselves once in a week to have a small talk with our mind. Well, how weird i may sound with my theory of the’ only me’ time , the fact is we all have things inside us which we can’t share with people, these are for us only, our perceptions, our secrets and problems and i think it is okay to take it out may be in the form of a diary, a blog or some letters to yourself. These would surely make exciting and interesting pieces of writing & may be a good memory especially when you read them back after 20- 40 years. More than that, i think the ‘only me’ time will help you evolve as a person and will help you realize you own faults and strengths. You can reflect back on the things that you did wrong or those that should have done in a different way that could have made you more happier. As for me, i think i will need some time to teach myself to be more calm and composed and accept things as they are or may be i should start doing efforts to make things better. Wish me luck!