Being ‘Me’

It’s been quite a while since, i wrote my last post and i must admit i was a little apprehensive about writing this one as well. A lot has been changed in these last two-three months. A lot of shopping, new friends, being an agony aunt to all the people surrounding me, some get-togethers and a lot of other stuff. And this new dashboard of WordPress amazes me- a lot user friendly and less complicated!

Yes, ‘Complicated’ is the most apt word i would like to describe my current state of mind. How would you perceive a person who is polite and modest to you at some point of time and after continuous suggestions, reactions and as an outburst of situations, evolve as a truly outspoken, outrageous, critic, sharp, witty, clever and a ‘smart’ individual. Well! Too much, too early to digest for people including friends. But this is what they demanded, Isn’t it? They expected me to give it back to people. Of course, in a logical and acceptable way.

The thing that amazes me is how swiftly i put on these shoes with those special qualities. I am proud of my metamorphosis but i am sad that i had to go through situations that were unwelcomed but as they say every experience, every individual is a lesson in your life. I hope i change. I am thankful that i have changed (this is what i presume) but i wish i grow stronger, i grow healthier- physically, mentally, economically and spiritually and i remain rational, logical and importantly, i remain ‘ME’ !!

The Battle: Angel & Devil

BLANK…

CLAUSTROPHOBIC!!

SCARED!!!

This is what i am feeling right now. I don’t know why but it was not my day today. It’s really annoying that i have this super intelligent, empathetic half mind- that overpowers my depressing, hopeless, sadist and pessimist other half-mind. I mean there are times when you really really want to feel sad. You want to cry, you want to let it go and you want to blame it all on other people and your destiny and sometimes on your self but this super intelligent half mind don’t let me do it. Gosh! This midway thing is killing me more. It’s good when you are clear and you know that you are sad and you have to cry. Yeah! The moment when you blame yourself and just rant about everything. But sadly, i miss that privilege! Am i the only one who is monitored all the time with my good angel side who pressurize me to be positive all the time, be optimistic in the saddest of moments and ignore all the bad incidents, bitchy people and erase the memory of a bad-bad day.

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It’s a universal truth that everybody has a good and a bad side, the 50-50 angel-devil concept.What if at least 50% of the people are overpowered with their angel and control themselves in the most horrifying moments (like my silly angel do), this planet would be a much better place. It’s strange how it become so easy to analyze things when your anger leaves you and you wisdom catches you, in a fraction of second the argument seems logical, the fights become debates, lectures seem as discussions and scolding becomes precaution warnings!

Well, the motive behind this post was to show my frustration as to why my angel side is always on its toes? Why can’t it let me be a little snobbish! Little careless and a bit carefree! And when i do that (throw tantrum, act moody and raise my voice a bit, of course on valid points 😉 ) please switch on people’s ‘angel’ side to bear me. I know that’s mean but hey, life would be a bit too boring if there’s only sugar and no spice!

Aside

Moments of Despair

Disappointed-Baby5

“Ignore’ is the word!” Yes! this is exactly what i used to follow and advice people to do so. Ignore whenever some morons comment at you. Ignore when a totally ignorant snobbish person judge your capabilities, ignore when people stare at you unnecessarily. Ignore when people do meaningless talks. But today, i feel cheated. I feel betrayed because these habit of ignorance is not really working for me. I am unable to ignore people who try to be bossy with me even if they are not, officially and personally. I couldn’t ignore the troublesome children who threw a water balloon at me (Holi festival is around the corner, less than a week to go) also, i couldn’t ignore somebody who is very close to me and thinks that i am a trouble!!! Oh really! but i wonder how!

I’ve always been good to people, tried to understand their perspective, helped them, cheer them up when they were sad, let go off my food and clothing for them, did their work, feed them when they were sick, literally sacrificed some of the most precious people in my life because of their disapproval and ignored their mood swings and yet, i am the one who is a TROUBLE! Great. I guess, this is what you get, a penalty of being too sweet! I want to ignore and erase this word from my memory as if it was not being said ever. But the ironical thing is the words said by people close to you hurts the most because they are the ones whose care, advice matters to you the most. I just have one question in mind, if i can ignore so many things of people why can’t they ignore small blunders done by me. Because this is what is expected if you are a family!

Actually, after writing these 304 words, i am a little relaxed. My mind is calm!

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The words written above were an emotional outburst i had few days ago. While i am reading all this again, i am so so glad that i didn’t posted it at that point of time. I am actually proud of myself that i had that much patience and sense (even in that highly frustrating moment) that i shouldn’t rant like this on my blog! But now, since, i am over with that little disappointment, (a very small thing now that i look back) i am posting this as my diary post while i was in moments of despair!

Always be positive! 🙂

Aside

Reflections

I’ve never been that kind of a person who would intentionally, actively and in all dedication find motivational quotes and phrases on a Google search engine to extract the essence of life. Although, i have no offence to such people simply because i have gradually evolved to be like them. There are times when you look for that perfect sentence or that one line which can cheer up your mood like anything. But with the lack of positivity or i should say lack of empathy amongst people around, you tend to fall back on ‘The Google’. 

Here are some quotes that i found on my desktop. All read and saved at different point of time at various situations and phases of life- Happy, Sad, Motivating, Aggressive, Inspiring and Mean. 😛

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I bet this was downloaded after a bad day at office 😛

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Honestly, I still need to learn that! 

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Another one to cheer me up after the ‘Lack of Appreciation Syndrome’ 

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The betrayal hurting & the soul speaking!

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Dump The Fake Face- For those who pretend 

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This one is quite tough but true 

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Everyday is a new day 

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The daily antidepressant tonic 

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The favorite one!

Do share if you find anything interesting.